Today, Friday, March 22 marks the first entry in a new blog series, The Tweeded Ten, a variety show of sorts. Each Friday, expect a themed top ten list. Mark it on your calendar. This is historic.
The subject of this week’s Tweeded Ten is. . . Vexations. Everyone loves to complain; it’s true. I’ve decided to unleash my inner crotchety old man in the hopes that it provides some chuckles.
- I’m baffled at the number of people seeking validation through social media. I’ve nearly given up on Facebook and Twitter because of it: “Look at me! Look at me! I spend all my afternoon looking at cat pictures, and I want to share them with you! Aren’t I cool?!” It’s ridiculous. All the posturing reminds me of junior high. I really don’t need you to post a play by play of the basketball game, how many miles you ran (we all know you walked them), or sappy quotes related to your recent breakup. Quit it.
- Television, if a reflection of the average American’s intellect, is very depressing. First, we had a crop of adventure-based reality shows like Survivor and Amazing Race for all the armchair explorers. Shortly after, the airwaves were bombarded with talent shows for all those amazing shower troubadours. Now, I can’t turn on the TV without seeing some get-rich-quick reality show: “Can’t pay your bills?! Come mine for gold in the freezing north! Snow not your thing? Dive into the tropical depths for lost treasure! If you prefer safer ways to bankroll your habits, hunt through antique stores for that rare million-dollar bedpan. Guaranteed!”
- I adore bookstores. Well, all except for the teen sections. Imagine all the vanity of high school or Facebook (see above), add shallow language and numerous clichés, and throw in a vampire or other supernatural creature. Multiply that by a hundred or even a thousand and you’ve got the teen section of any bookstore.
- Instagram—I considered throwing this in with Facebook and social media but felt it deserved its own spot. Instagram user, you are not a photographer. You are a sad, sad person who believes that sepia tones and boxed photographs make you interesting. Also, stop taking pictures of what you cooked for dinner!
- Nothing is more infuriating than writer’s block, made more so, in my case, by the ease with which I can generate ideas and speak them orally. Like a wizened skald, I can speak for hours and tell a pleasing tale. Give me a computer, and it takes 8 hours per paltry 1,000 words (requiring numerous revisions along the way).
- If you haven’t been to the movies lately, I don’t blame you. Cinema today just doesn’t have the punch or the appeal of the 80s or 90s. It seems like Hollywood has only three ideas: terrible acting with big explosions, romantic comedy, or the dreaded 3 R’s—reboot, remake, redo. Yeah, I get it, if you look back, “Robocop” sucked, as well as “Footloose” and “Conan,” but they helped to create a generation. Oh, and Jackie Chan is great, but he will never be Mr. Miyagi.
- Hipsters. ‘Nuff said.
- Flip flops. I know, I know, they’re comfortable in the summertime. Admittedly, I’ve been guilty of wearing them in the past. Even so, I’ve moved past my younger, lazier days. There are many alternatives to flip flops that are more comfortable, equally appropriate for the heat, and far more refined. Men: your feet are disgusting. Ladies: No matter how elfin your appearance, feet are still feet. Cover them up.
- Slovenliness has recently become my biggest peeve. I simply cannot understand what drives people to go into public dressed poorly. I’m not asking that everyone begin shopping at the grocery store in a suit or evening gown (I wouldn’t complain, though), but have a little respect for yourself and put some thought into your appearance. Unless you are mowing the yard or are at the gym, ditch the sweatpants, hoodies, athletic shorts, graphic tees, and all other items associated with unkempt college students. These items say nothing good about you or your habits.
- Continuing with the theme of clothing, if you don’t enjoy the outdoors and aren’t sporty, then please don’t wear sporting and outdoor apparel. If you happen to be riding a bike or are on a trail, then by all means wear Patagonia or Sierra or Burton; otherwise, leave it to the people that need it.
Well, that’s all readers, the very first entry in the soon to be famous Tweeded Ten. It was stupendous, right? Right?! Feel free to keep up the complaining below in the comments. I’d be interested in seeing more peeves and vexations. And, admit it, it feels so nice to complain now and again.